LIVING COULD CAUSE DEATH

Now merely a down-market tabloid, the Daily Mail has tried to put the fear of God into its  readers for a long time. Scare stories about how things you eat, drink or do, could  cause cancer, or migraines, or  insomnia, or make you fat, if not downright kill you as you read,  appear regularly on its pages. 

We've been told that red wine will kill us today  but is good for us tomorrow, and the same goes for coffee. Statins are good for you -  if they don't disable or kill you.
You smoke? Aaaargghh! Not only are you suicidal, you are also evil, a baby killer  and a mass murderer on a par with Stalin and Hitler - or even Farage. 

Today it warns that a pregnant woman who fancies a nice pork rasher, could give her baby Alzheimers

Oh, and don't take your smartphone to bed with you because it will make you fat, give you insomnia and  could lead to AN EARLY DEATH!!! That goes for your central heating too! 

I'm sure children of my generation were warned about certain habits that could make you blind so, if you also like to do a few reps  down at the gym, get yourself down to Specsavers FAST!

Of course, if you work night shifts   or, heaven forbid! have the "fat gene", you're completely buggered and might as well give up now because you are brain-dead, fat, and are going to die.


A quick health warning: Whilst reading this please sit up straight and don't slouch because I wouldn't want to be sued for causing you lower back pain.

But look on the bright side: big pharma is always discovering treatments that COULD cure all your ills, at a price.